A communication parable (1)
At the weekly meeting of her team, Anna was feeling more uneasy than usual. She had learned to compensate for the negative influences in their marketing department, but today it seemed they were on full display. Chuck was dominating the conversation more than ever, pointedly highlighting issues he saw that needed to change, and directing his frustration at Sonia and Brady for what he saw as a lack of focus on the task. The problem was that Chuck’s role was to track and monitor their assignments from the Executive Team, not to hold the others accountable; Anna was supposed to be in charge. Today his negativity felt like insubordination, and at times Anna felt the urge to throw in the towel, find another job, and let Chuck try to lead a dismembered department.
Brady’s response to Chuck’s diatribe bordered on passive aggressive, with his body language and complaints uniting to declare that Chuck didn’t care about people. Anna’s concern was that Brady may be heading into another round of depression. She recalled his previous episode, and the way it brought the team down for a whole month. They couldn’t afford to go through that again; Brady was their most creative team member. They needed him to be on top form.
Sonia was not reacting to Chuck at all. She was sitting silently, disinterested, and isolated; how could Anna draw her in? Feeling Sonia’s detachment, Anna recalled better days when Sonia contributed key insights to the Ferman project – details and concepts that made it their most successful campaign to date.
Meanwhile, the two other team members were doing their best to overcome the negativity. Betty was offering to take on tasks that were not yet completed, although Anna could hear a tone of voice that implied Betty was struggling with the others not doing their share. Was she being overly affected by Chuck’s forcefulness, Brady’s complaining, and Sonia’s silence?
Thank goodness one member of her team seemed to still be on board: John waited for a lull in the conversation and began restating the plans for their current project. The storyboards were well received, the designs were due two days ago but there was some margin in the schedule for a delay. If they laid out the remaining steps, they could still complete it on time if everyone agreed on their part. He seemed calm and unaffected by the relational drama. Perhaps there was still hope for their team?
Anna decided she needed to regroup and told everyone “Let’s take a coffee break and meet back here at 11.” Alone in her office, Anna felt the forces of disunity even more strongly, and sat down to reflect.
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This is not uncommon: team dynamics and personality clashes cause disunity, productivity decreases, morale is drained, and leaders struggle. At the heart of this story is communication, or rather dysfunctional communication. None of the members of this team understand their own needs or how they differ from the needs of others. Since nobody knows how to communicate in ways that acknowledge and accept the differences on the team, there is relational tension which results in multiple disconnects in communication.
When we start using Life Languages in a company or organization, it is common to find that many people are operating in some level of distress, especially in their primary languages. Since they are not understood, attempts at communication and teamwork are likely to fail, adding to the distress levels. And we see the results in team meetings like Anna’s above.
But things change when team members complete their Life Language profiles and learn about each language: the filter question that must be answered to connect with that language, the need each language has from others, and the passion and character strength each language brings to the table.
Now the team can affirm each other’s strengths, appreciate the ways others contribute to each team member’s needs, and turn differences that used to be barriers into strengths. We’ll pick up the story next time and see how Anna turns things around.
Even the best teams benefit from the valuable insights this tool offers. With my help, and the Life Languages profile, your team can grow stronger.