Looking back and looking forward

I recently concluded teaching a four-week class at the local continuing education center on communication, focusing on learning and applying the Life Languages™️. We offered the class in two formats: virtual first, followed by in-person. During these classes I realized afresh that we humans have two outlooks when learning. Both are needed but balancing them correctly is essential to grow our communication mastery.

Looking back is foundational to learning. Sir Winston Churchill (adapting a quote from George Santayana) said “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” We learn much when we look back to reflect on our past experiences with the benefit of new and current knowledge. During the classes we saw different students have “aha” moments as they learned facts about the Life Languages that shed light on relational disconnects in the past. In this way, learning can redeem past pain and struggle, bringing growth. Validation and understanding help us to make the most of challenges that are behind us.

But we can sometimes get stuck in the past because what has already happened cannot be changed. Regret and recrimination (whether directed at another or focused on myself) are not pathways to learning. So, we must also incorporate looking forward into our learning strategy.

Looking forward is the test of learning. Can I apply new insights to future interactions? Does my learning equip me to communicate more effectively? What new opportunities do I have because of applying my learning to my understanding of myself?

Recognizing the tension between learning from the past and learning for the future, how do we achieve a healthy balance?

I believe that driving a car provides a helpful model. I am forward-focused, especially if I have identified a desired destination. My attention is on the route, the road ahead, and all the new discoveries the drive will produce. But I do not neglect the mirrors that look behind and give me vital perspective. I see what is past and learn from it (Churchill would be pleased).

In looking back, I also apply the principle of the wing mirrors: in addition to the main rear-view mirror, I benefit from the different perspectives of the wing mirrors, just as I gain by having different views of the past in order to learn from it more fully. When I am seeking to learn from a communication challenge (especially when there is relational disconnection), I benefit from the insights of others to complement my own self-awareness.

The recent classes have shown me that interacting with others in the quest for communication skills is beneficial, even essential. The feedback from one student said, “I now have the ability to face the future with courage, and to understand others more fully, especially where things have been hard in the past.” That sums up why I love to teach communication mastery. The results are productive looking forward and help to make the most of looking back.

Let’s go! I’m ready to help you navigate this journey.

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