A communication parable (2)
Alone in her office, Anna realized why her team was struggling.
They had not applied the insights from the company-wide offsite day last fall. Although that Life Languages profile had been so affirming for Anna, the whole team had been focused on the Ferman project for the rest of that quarter. They had never unpacked the clues for communication the day’s trainer had given them.
She knew Bob’s team in Sales had seen some great results since they learned about the Life Languages, and Customer Care was also making this the core of their “Everyone Matters” strategy in Quarter Three. They were even bringing the trainer back for individual coaching sessions. Maybe she could grab some ideas from the workbook she’d completed that day.
She pulled it off the shelf and glanced at some of her notes: “Distress flares are the first sign of a language that is not being valued.” She’d written that in red and in ALL CAPS.
Of course! Those negative dynamics that forced me to call for a coffee break are distress flares! None of my team are operating effectively, and we are not leveraging anyone’s primary languages in our teamwork. It’s time for me to step up and call out the failure. If we had taken more notice of the input that day, we wouldn’t be struggling like this.
She pulled out the individual profiles from her Offsite file, grasped the workbook enthusiastically, and returned to the meeting room with hope.
“I want to apologize to you all for failing you as a leader.” Anna’s team forgot their struggles momentarily, and all eyes were on her. She smiled and continued, “After the company-wide offsite last October, I should have helped us all apply the learnings about those Life Languages. Instead, I let us focus on the Ferman project, and we missed the opportunity to strengthen our team.”
Chuck interrupted: “Are you saying we could have avoided all these issues?” His confrontational tone no longer threatened Anna. She knew she had the answer, along with many other issues. “Yes, Chuck, we could have avoided them, and we will overcome them together. From now on, we will grow our understanding of the Life Languages, using that understanding to recognize and integrate each other’s strengths into an unbeatable marketing team.”
Anna spread out their profiles on the table and remembered another nugget of wisdom from the offsite day: “Start with the feeling languages.” “Well, that includes my first language, the Influencer,” she recalled and quickly consulted her workbook to see how her strengths could begin to turn things around. Realizing that her passion to encourage was needed, Anna began to highlight each person’s contribution to the team, highlighting how they flourished when each one’s primary languages were recognized and validated.
Glancing at the array of profiles on the table, Anna looked for anyone scoring high in the Responder language. Brady stood out with a score of 82, and she noticed that this was also John’s second language; he’d scored 70. “Brady, I’m sorry we haven’t welcomed what you bring to the team recently; I see how much you care about our work and the members of our team. It must be hard for you when we allow conflict to grow, as we did this morning. We value your creativity and would hate for an atmosphere of negativity to hinder you from doing your best work. Who do you feel gets you best among the team?”
Brady was quiet momentarily as if breathing in this new atmosphere of acceptance; “It feels like you do, with what you just said, Anna, but I also feel like John helps me see the next steps with any ideas I’m developing.” “Good,” Anna responded. “I want to be sure you feel valued and included, and you will likely be the one with the best design ideas for those storyboards we need to complete. John, you can empathize with Brady because you are also strong in his first language. Can you plan to check in with Brady regularly and help to make sure we all make room for his design ideas to grow?”
“I can easily add that to my planner, and I like connecting with Brady,” John responded with a smile. Anna grew more confident about her team, but there was still much to do. She returned to her memory banks for more helpful recollections from the off-site day. “Let the thinkers think” was another slogan the trainer had used several times. “Who are my thinkers?” She scanned the remaining profiles. There was John again: his Shaper language was a high 79. Sonia, the silent, disconnected one, was highest in the Contemplator language, and Betty’s second language was Producer. “I have plenty of thinkers here; how do I let them think?”
Anna started with Sonia, remembering not to ask a Contemplator for instant answers. “Sonia, could you think about something for me, please?” “What is it?” “We need to match up the strengths of our team with the challenges we’ve been having. Would you reflect on which challenges are the most significant and then research our profiles to see who has the most to contribute to them?” Anna almost stopped there. Still, she remembered that Sonia would need space to consider this, so she added, “you don’t have to let me know immediately but let me know your thoughts before we finish today, please.” Sonia nodded and began to think.
“I’m making room for the thinkers to think, who else needs that?” Anna asked herself. “Betty, you offered to take on extra tasks earlier, but I want to make room for you to think with us, too. Your second language is Producer, and that’s the language that’s great at resourcefulness and managing limited resources. While Sonia thinks about which challenges need whose strengths, could you think about maximizing our resources to get as many of those unfinished tasks done as possible? That will combine two of your strengths – your passion to see things finished and your ability to make the most of what we have. What do you think?”
Betty was noticeably more animated than she had been earlier. The tone was different as she replied, “I love how you are managing our team, Anna; I’d be glad to think that through.”
“We are doing too much thinking here; we’ll never get back on track if we don’t get some action, and fast,” interrupted Chuck. He was clearly still disgruntled. Anna glanced at his profile and recognized the bright red bar representing his primary language: 85% Mover. She knew she had to be clear, direct, and firm. “Chuck, I already said we will use our Life Languages understandings to integrate our strengths into a powerful team. That’s exactly the direction we are taking, and I want you to take the lead in making sure we keep that focus. It will take courage to see this through, and you have that strength. I want you to direct it toward our success as a team rather than challenging every fault you see.” His boss’s candor and directness took Chuck aback, but something inside him recognized the focus on clear action and was reassured. “Okay, boss,” he shot back. “You’re in charge, and I’ll make sure we move forward together.”
Anna was encouraged by that affirmation of her leadership and turned to the remaining thinker on the team: “John, I already asked you to check in with Brady, but that’s only part of my plan. Can you lay out for all of us the steps we need to take to finish this project? You already have them in mind, so draw up a plan we can all follow and run it by me first to check that we’ve included everyone’s contributions.”
John smiled. He loved it when a plan came together. “Sure thing, Anna, it won’t take long to map it out – I think I have most of the steps in my head already.”
Anna drew the meeting to a conclusion: “Sonia, have you had time to think about what I asked you to research? What do you think?” Sonia seemed much more connected now. “I’m interested to dig deeper than just the primary language in each of our profiles. I think I’ll find that there are some unexpected treasures among the skills of our team.” It was Anna’s turn to smile. This was going to work out after all. She felt more excited than she had in a long while. “Well done, everyone, this is better than before the break. Let’s give it our best and get this done!”
= = = = =
The power of understanding is greater than the threats posed by distress. With insights into each Life Language, any leader can take a dysfunctional team and turn it around. This is not about categorizing anyone into a limiting category or type. Instead, we leverage our understanding of the predictable, identifiable qualities of each language to connect with each individual and bring out the best in them for the benefit of all. Each language thrives with specific words and actions, and thriving languages produce vibrant teams. We’ll check back with Anna’s team in a future blog and see the fruit.
How about your team? I hope they’re not as troubled as Anna’s was, but can you imagine how it would look if they were vigorously applying the science of connection?