Communication fixes
We all know how communication can go wrong: the text that wasn’t read in the tone it was written, the comment that touches a raw nerve unintentionally, the missed or delayed response that is misinterpreted, the report of what he said, or she said, that subtly alters the meaning.
In all these cases, communication becomes challenging. If not fixed, those challenges can become relational disconnects; perils that sap productivity, drain friendships, or fray families.
So, let’s flex our communication muscles with a few communication fixes. Ways to strengthen or repair communication that has drifted off the path.
First: we settle our motives (and our assumptions about the intentions of others). If my motive is to connect, to benefit, to offer my best, or even to rebuild a broken relationship, then I will have the right motive in communicating. I also need to choose to presume that the other(s) with whom I am communicating are doing the best they can with what they have; that intentions are positive. Conversely, if I am going into a communication with the goal of proving myself right and the other person wrong (or even malicious) then connection will elude us. Note: sometimes events, or repeated negative communications, prove that positive motives are currently lacking or absent. This calls for a different approach. Naiveté is not a communication skill!
Second: time and energy spent seeking to understand where the communication started to decline is necessary. Was this a difference of communication style? Was there existing distress uncovered by our exchange? What does the other person need from me, and how do they need it, for communication to be restored? Was my speech lacking in awareness of others’ differences, causing an unintended disconnect? This is an area where we can all grow our character. The societal default is to assign blame based on assumption and reject others. A more fruitful path is to develop self-awareness and understanding of others to keep communication alive.
Third: focus can help the rebuilding of connections. Our relationships drift into communication distress when an offense (whether intended or not) is the spark that leads to a firestorm of additional issues. One misunderstanding can unleash a torrent of “and another thing…” which takes us further off track. Can you zero in on the core issue that needs to be resolved and see how compromise, apology, and restating of positive motivation can bring resolution? Set aside all the other issues for a moment and seek agreement on common ground.
Finally: ask for help! When my car breaks down, I call AAA. If my electricity goes off, I tell the electric company. When I’m working on my house or in my yard, I often ask my neighbor to help me with tasks where his skills are superior to mine. And I’m always glad when others ask me for help.
The trouble is, we are far too independent in areas where asking for help might be seen (by others or myself) as weakness.
I’d rather pretend I can get through this than admit my need to you!
That’s a fast track into the ditch where communication is concerned.
Who can you call on? Communication matters too much to be left broken by the wayside.