Understanding myself

The starting point for communication is understanding myself.

Too many people miss this vital foundation in communication. If I attempt to communicate with you based on my assumption of how you communicate, I will likely miss communicating effectively, because I am not starting from the beginning.

First, I need to recognize my own unique communication style, because communication is building a bridge from one person to another. Unless I start from me, I can’t connect with you!

Suppose my preferred communication style begins with action. Maybe I am vigilant and standards-based, courageously seeking improvement in every setting. This style predisposes me to communicate in a manner which says “lead, follow, or get out of the way.”

Unless I recognize this, I will fail to bridge to your style effectively. Perhaps you are more of a “think first” communicator, needing space to reflect, or to develop a plan. I may understand you need to think, but if I don’t also factor in my own “act first” disposition I will likely say something like “we need ideas for a new strategy now” and inadvertently cause you distress.

Instead, I recognize my own preference and accommodate it to your needs.

So, in the example I outlined, I would be careful to say, “Can you give me your thoughts when you’ve had time to reflect?” Or “I really want to get moving on this, but I want the plan to be well thought out; would tomorrow be enough time, or should we give it two days?”

See how this still communicates my sense of urgency, yet also adapts to your differing needs?

The sad fact is that too few people are willing to do the self-examination to understand their preferred communication styles.

This is one reason why poor communication is at the heart of failure, whether in business or in relationships.

It doesn’t have to be this way: take time to review or discover your communication profile today and let me help you understand how you interact with others.